John Lawler: News/Journal
November 4, 2008
I guess we look at Vice President Joe Biden for the next four years.
Good Luck to President Obama.
Republican or Democrat, this is a historic moment in US history.
November 4, 2008
Why are you reading allaboutjohn.com?
I'm going downstairs to vote right now.
JL
Let's Make It a Landslide - November 1, 2008
Remember my fellow Americans, a vote for John McCain is a vote AGAINST the Main Stream Media. Let's send the media a message. "We're on to you, Keith Olbermann!"
And honestly, who would you rather look at and listen to for the next four years? Sarah Palin or Joe Biden?
Only 80 Days.... - October 6, 2008
Till Christmas. Awesome!
Nuthouse Hits Number 1 on MP3Tunes.com - September 29, 2008
The Kremona Orpheus - September 10, 2008
I just bought a new guitar. It's a Bulgarian Kremona Orpheus, Sofia model. All my other guitars are saying, "Who's the new Hot! German chick?"
My Leo Kottke twelve string is saying, "I'm a Leo Kottke Model!"
Sofia says, "Never heard of him."
My Joe Pass hollow body is saying, "I'm a Joe Pass Model jazz guitar."
Sofia says, "Never heard of him."
My Martin J40 six string is retarded. Mainly because of the multiple frontal lobotomies I've performed on him over the years. He just walks up to Sofia and says, "I like popcorn!"
Way of Man - August 15, 2008
John Lawler will be performing the opening set for, 'Way of Man', at 'The Underground Lounge', this Saturday night from 9-10pm.
Click 'Calendar' for more info.
Not Cool - August 12, 2008
Here are some indicators that you are no longer cool.
You tell a really funny joke and everyone in the room says, "Why is that old man talking to himself?"
AA puts you on their, 'Do Not Admit', list.
You go to a 3D movie by yourself because you, "want to see how the technology has changed".
Your last facelift makes you look like you're possessed by a demon.
All you want to talk about are Richard Dryfuss movies.
All of your knowledge comes from infomercials.
Really pretty girls only look at you if you've been run over by a car. Then they say, "Someone should call 911!"
Coldplay, Radiohead, Frank Sinatra - August 11, 2008
There is no difference.
Maybe I should say that there is no difference between the people who request them.
JL
The N-Word - July 28, 2008
Personally, I don't care about the N-Word. I don't care about people who use it under any circumstances. They're losers any way you look at it. I block them out of my mind, unless I meet one of them in a public place. Then I'm forced to deal with them out of respect for the rest of us.
It's the B-Word that we need to stop using. People who use the N-Word also use the B-Word. Both words are perfect descriptions of the people who use them. Self depreciation in its purest form. If there's a kid out there who doesn't know what I'm talking about, praise the Lord. Your parents did a good job.
JL
This is What I Hope Heaven is Like - June 5, 2008
MSNBC's Keith Olbermann - May 30, 2008
Keith Olbermann reminds me of the guys I used to beat up in highschool before I became a born again Christian.
Save the Polar Bears - May 16, 2008
It’s May 16th in Chicago and the temperature is a balmy 40 degrees. Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t one of the basic tenets of the global warming religion involve something about actual warming? We should just transplant the polar bears to Lake Michigan. We can fit them all with radar collar bombs that will explode their heads if they come within 100 yards of a human being.
We can have a $300 fine for teenagers who intentionally take part in polar bear baiting just to see their heads explode. The kids will refer to this practice as, 'Polar Popping'.
Bush Didn't Buy It - May 8, 2008
The History of Psychology - May 7, 2008
There's a very unnerving story in the book of Acts 19:13 about a group of seven Jewish exorcists who, not believing in Jesus, invoked His name in the hopes of exorcising a demon from a man possessed. This was a particularly nasty, Linda Blair, type of demon. The lead exorcist stated, "I adjure you by Jesus whom Paul proclaims." (New English Bible)
As far as I know, this was one of the first times in history that psychology was used to cure someone percieved to be mentally ill.
The scary part was the demons response to the statement. "Jesus I acknowledge, and I know Paul, but who are you?"
Can you imagine being the exorcist-in-training quietly saying under your breath to your more experienced elder, "Now, was he suppose to say that?"
Well the demon then flew into a rage sending all seven men running from the house stripped, bloodied and beaten.
I'll bet at the next monthly psychology board meeting some bandaged up guy with his arm in a sling said, "I'd like to motion that we let the Apostles handle all future exorcisims. All those in favor?"
Thought for the day - April 30, 2008
A lot of Muslims eventually come to realize that they are in fact Christians. A lot of Christians eventually come to realize that they are in fact Muslims.
Strange Life
JL
Wright as Usual - April 27, 2008
As usual, The "Reverand" Jeremiah Wright didn't explicitly mention a single Bible verse during his latest rant at the NAACP Jamboree today other than to say that 'right brain' black people are better at memorizing things like Psalm 119 then are 'left brain' white people. He chose this chapter not because it had anything to do with his "sermon" but because it is the longest chapter in the Bible thus harder to memorize. Of course this is an absurd concept based on some forty year old psychological study he dug up somewhere, but we've come to expect these types of comments from Jerry.
He began the speech by pointing out that he has a Jewish friend and he also has a deep respect for Islam. I respect Islam too, but not in the same way Wright does, I assure you.
His entire diatribe was based on how different we all are. "Different does not mean deficient!", is what Wright kept drilling into peoples ears with that regurgitating growl of his. People are different. Religions are different. But, "Different does not mean deficient!". That is true so long as there is not a practicing Jew or Christian involved in the equation.
I remember a verse from the Bible that I read one time: 'Thy commandments are mine for ever; through them I am wiser than my enemies. I have more insight than all my teachers, for thy instruction is my study; I have more wisdom than the old, because I have kept thy precepts.'
Where did I read that? Let me see. Uuuuummmmm. Oh that's right! Psalm 119.
Verses 98-100. (The New English Bible)
Santa Claus is Coming To Town - April 18, 2008
Only 251 days till Christmas. We're 31.23% there! GO BEARS!
The Compound Sisters - April 16, 2008
I think the Stepford Wives of the YFZ compound in Eldorado, TX, should have their own reality TV show. What is up with these broads? Did they all go to the same dialect coach? I have to admit that I like their hairdos. It's the brainwashing that I have a hard time with.
Can you imagine being in charge of re-acclimating them into normal society. "Ok girls, Easter egg dresses went out of style around the same time Franklin invented the lightning rod. Can we all agree on that?"
Hannity and Colmes - April 1, 2008
Sometimes when I listen to Alan Colmes on Fox News, I think that when he heard the story of 'Little Red Riding Hood' as a child, he thought the wolf was just a nice old lady.
JL
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